Poem to remember whose you are

Precious pearl

The lamb of God wades
Through fields of the lord
Picking his crops
Calling all to him
To go to greenest pastures
And be free forever

You with the sad eyes
And the burden on your shoulders
Come be with me
Wading and bringing crops
On to greenest pastures
That billow in peaceful winds

Say no to the weeds around you
Strangling you
Seeking to bring you to the fires with them
But their fields will wilt
And be tossed asunder

So grow on through 
All this pressure captivating you 
And you to will be Taken by Christ
And worn as a precious pearl
Around the neck of the lamb who wades through greenest pastures
Beauty for all to see 

The War Intro

I have been a follower of Jesus for over a year now, and it has had some interesting twists and turns.

The world is split. Those who follow Jesus, and those who do not.

I have been on both sides of the spectrum. I spent my life up until my senior year of high school as an agnostic. I was angry towards Christians because I felt they were all talk. I soon learned differently when my life was crashing down, and the only people there to show me love were Christians.

Now I know God better, and I understand how ignorant I was.

Not everyone has had the same "no way this could be anything but God, my life is changed forever" experience I have had.

The people who speak out of ignorance are just one of the challenges we face as Christians. This series will talk about many different things we deal within a daily basis.

Thereis a war going on for our souls. Satan will use any means necessary to win.

Be prepared.

Define Me

I am a compilation of many different things.

I love sports. I am a nerd. I am funny (thats what I tell myself at least). I am SO many different things.

I am a lot of good things, and a fair share of bad ones.

I am very self critical.

I have a very low opinion of myself. It comes from years of being told many times how I was worthless. It comes from years of rejection from everybody I knew.

Its not fun.

My point?

We have a choice everyday. I can listen to the people who are wrong and evil, and let them control my view of myself. Accept lies for truth, and be torn down.

Or

Accept that God has made me perfect the way he wanted me to, and I serve a great purpose.

This is an issue that I know many people struggle with. They allow satan and society to pull them down. To take away from their full potential.

They let satan win.

We need to take the time to see that God loves us and he has made us beauiful. We need to accept that he made us perfect the way we are.

We don't need to starve ourselves thin. We don't need to do this or that to change ourselves.

We just need to accept Gods love truly.

He loves us so greatly, that he thought of each and every one of us when he sent his son to die on the cross for our sins.

He wouldn't do that for someone who was not worth it.

So SMILE!

Because God loves you, and you are beautiful.

But He Told Me

I was scared of spiders, and my mom said "Dont be afraid"
I was scared of school, and my brother said "Don't be afraid"
I was scared of bullies, and my friends said "Don't be afraid"

I grew and I grew. And the more I saw the more I knew, That I was scared.

I was scared of women, and my buddies said "Don't be afraid"
I was scared of people, and my doctor said "Don't be afraid"
I was scared of the pain, and I told myself "Don't be afraid"

I walked out that door and walked right to a new life. I was still scared.

I was scared of illness, and my adopted family said "Don't be afraid"
I was scared of college, and my mentor said "Don't be afraid"
I was scared to stay, and my friends said "Don't be afraid"

I was scared to die, and just as scared to live

And my jesus said "Don't be afraid"

A Whole New World

Aladdin. Its a good  movie. Its the staple of any healthy Disney diet that can be handled by the pallets of young and old alike,  and when well complimented with a side of Finding Nemo can sate the appetite of any person hungry for Disney movies.

(I simply could not resist the urge to put as many references to food in there as possible. One should not write on an empty stomach.)

Aladdin is a thief, and jasmine is a princess. So if you look at the picture with a non-Disney view of the situation, hes never, ever, ever (to the 10,000 power multiplied by 1,000,000) going to get the girl. Her dad would forbid it, he would never be able to be in her presence to meet her, and he would probably be concerned with the more important things in life (like not being killed by those pointy things the guards are carrying).

In addition to all of this, she probably thinks that he is the scum beneath her feet. They come from completely different backgrounds, so its alright if they resent each other for their differences, right?

A different approach to this is a guy from the south who loves country music, and a guy from a northern city that loves hip-hop. One calls the other hick, the other calls the one a city-slicker. (alright, I realize that the term "city slicker hasn't been used in society for over a decade or by anyone under 40, just roll with it).

Another angle, a Christian and man who has never known God.

I know a lot of people who have called christian hypocrites for their judging everybody saying that they are stuck up perfectionists with double standards. While I have also known Christians to judge others as unworthy because they sin.

God calls to another standard. One that he shows us how to do.

He meets us at where we are at. Whether that is 10% or 99% God is there meeting you with open arms.

We all grow up in different situations, have different backrounds, like different things, have different opinions, dress differently, or speak different languages.

This is a lesson I have had to learn. before I knew God, I called Christians hypocrites. And then once I became Christian, I still have judged others.

When I first came, I was upset with people here at York. They were rude, openly talked about sex and drugs, and used foul language. As time went on though, I realized that I was just as bad they were for judging them.

In the bible Jesus eats and shows love to sinners.

Mark 2:15-17
Later that day, Jesus ate at Levi's house. There were many tax collectors and other bad people eating there with Jesus and his followers. There were many of these people that followed Jesus. The teachers of the law (they were Pharisees) saw Jesus eating with these tax collectors and other bad people. They asked Jesus' followers, "Why does he (Jesus) eat with tax collectors and sinners?" Jesus heard this, and he said to them, "Healthy people don't need a doctor. It is the sick people that need a doctor. I did not come to invite good people. I came to invite sinners."

Fortunatly I have learned my lesson and I am growing more into the man God wants me to be.

So we can follow society, judge the book by its cover, and judge others because they are different. Or we can live to Gods standard, show them the love whether or not we want to.

No matter who they are, what they do, or where they come from, Meet them where they're at.

God Bless.

More than a dream

I have wasted so much of my life already. I have followed other people, listened to their wisdom, dreamed and lived their dreams. My voice has been their voice.

My dreams have never been my own.

My voice has never been my own.

And now im at york college. I don't have the dreams and voices and others telling me what to do.

Im kinda lost.

When I accepted christ as my savior I accepted a new life living for him.

Not for my dad, for my guidance counselors, or my friends.

He has called me to so much more than to spend my life chasing around dreams i dont really care for.

I want to tell you my dreams.

I dream of paying professional soccer, of turning my faith into a book so i can share it with others, i dream of singing in a band, and being the lead in a play.

I love sports and the arts. I have never been to excited about school. I cant stand science, math bores me, english is fun, and history is cool. But my time is best spent out of the classroom.

Granted in order to make my time outside of the classroom most effective i need to do well in it.

With all that being said. I have spent so much of my time doing what others tell me they think i should do.

This has ranged from being a teacher, to a youth minister, to being a waste of space (thanks dad).

I havent looked into what God has put on my heart, or the strenths he has given me.

I love writting. I was the sports editor for two years and then the editor in chief of my high school paper "The Echo". I loved writting opinion pieces. I also helped write (and perform in) a one act musical performed by my high school.

I spent all of high school being a theater "techie", and my senior year i built up the courage to be in plays. I was in a musical and a comedy.

I love reading, writing, acting, and playing soccer. Right now im only ever playing soccer.

Its time that i take the talents God has given me and put them to use for him.

I want to end with these two verses that i am thinking about with all of this.

God Bless.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.


Romans 12:6-8



Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive and inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.


Colossians 3:23-24

Im Seeing Double

A double standard is where we have expectaions for ourselves that differ from our expectations of other people.

We live in a society of double standards.

To name an obvious one; if a girls sleeps around she is titled a "slut" or "whore". If a guy sleeps around he is considered a "player" and given a pat on the back.

On the other hand, if guys look at a woman even slightly lustfully they are labeled a "pervert". But its ok for women to look at guys without the same consequences.

To move topics, swearing is also one. People who say the f-word, b-word, or one of many other four letter words are considered "potty mouths". If you say crap, darn, or one of many other "golly gee whiz shucks" kinda words with the same conotation its alright.

Wrong!

Other examples: porn is wrong, but movie sex scenes are alright. Hitting others is wrong, but hitting your kids or wife is alright. It's a long, long list.

If you have double standards in your life than you are lying to yourself and everyone else.

God knows the truth.

He has set a perfect standard unlike the standards of society. His standard is perfect.

He calls us too this standard.

A perfect example of double standards are the pharisees of Israel. They held everyone to an almost impossible standard that they didn't live up to. They judged but did not love.

Jesus came and set the record straight.

We are sinners who fall short of the glory of God, and can only be saved through him.

Work on your faith. Hold others accountable through love and not judgement. That means living to the same standard.

Live how Jesus lived.

 Matthew 7:1-5 ESV 


“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Any place but york

Since the end of soccer season last year I have had a question lingering in my mind. one i have struggled with a lot. Should I leave York college to go somewhere else.

There are places with more money, better scholarships, better soccer programs, better everything.


And i have struggled with this. At times i had my foot halfway out the door. Then God Slammed that door in my face this week.


When i was in in high school i had depression that i couldn't get through. All i could think of was the crap going on. When i found Christ, it got much better. I was maturing and growing, and my faith was growing and maturing. This past summer though, my faith started starving. for the first time i missed church more than 3 weeks in a row. I wasn't reading my bible, or praying constantly. i had lost a lot of the things that connected me with God. So all i had was my job at walmart and my roommates. So i started a bit of a downward spiral. I was having anger issues. Anger that i didn't understand or know why it was there. My roommates where the unfortunate victims of this. fortunately they understood and worked with me.


So going into the new school year i was having anger issues and some depression issues. I had starved myself and was having "God withdrawal". And as preseason progressed things got worse. I became incredibly self critical of my soccer playing. I am a naturally reflective and critical. The difference? I was very negative. Outside of soccer things were not going so well either. I had friends stab me and the back, and friends just stop talking to me.


I was crashing. Hard.


So things were getting better. I got through the crap going on, but not unharmed. I had slipped back into my depression. I couldn't shake the sadness. And then last Sunday it hit rock bottom. at 1 in the morning i had a freak accident where a stall door crashed on my foot, so i had to get stitches. I got back from the ER at 3 am and went to sleep. I did not get up for church, which irritated me. I was supposed to go to Lifewalk with my friends. Then at 1:30 in the afternoon i head to get ready for our soccer game.


I told coach that i couldn't play. I was physically unfit. He agreed and said i would suit up "just in case". Five minutes before kick off he tells me I'm starting. I was concerned. i was hurting and wouldn't be at 100%. 25 minutes into the game we were down 3-0. it was bad, our whole team was playing bad. So coach pulled me for our other keeping. Getting off the field i was pissed. I felt full of shame and embarrassed for being pulled in front of our home crowd.


Bad stuff happens when I'm pissed.


I swore. I said it was bull-. And then coach and i had a short back and forth and i then said it again.


Bad idea.


Awful idea.


He told me to leave the stadium.


The walk out is the longest walk i have ever had. I couldn't shake the feeling of shame. At the same time i had just potentially ruined everything. I am at york because of my soccer scholarship. I don't play soccer, i don't go to York. I cant afford it.

I questioned whether life was worth living for the first time in years.


I was on the edge of giving up. I was broken. I had messed everything up.


I wasn't gonna give up though. I never give up.


So i did what was right. I made amends, with coach, and with God.


I ended up with a one weak suspension from soccer. It was one loooong week.


But a great one.


God spoke to me in a very obvious way. He wasn't going to let this go to waste. People around me picked me up. They told me to keep my head up high. They showed compassion and caring that i had not felt very often. People who i wasn't even close with had my back. They were supporting me, they cared. I know now the reason I am here. And i will never leave. York is my home, York is my family, God spoke to me through York.


I am blessed to be here. In this past week my faith has be rejuvenated, and my depression melted away.


God is Good.


2 Corinthians 4:16-18 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

I love the book of Romans

In the video game starcraft. there are characters called "High templar". Two can fuse themselves together to create a Light Archon. A brilliant creation of light with enormous power. One cannot do this by itself.

Yes, I know what you are thinking. I am a nerd, and what does this have to do with Romans?

Well since you asked, everything.

In the book of Romans, Paul starts off by talking about the law and judgement. He talks about how under the law we are held accountable for our sins and there is nothing righteous. He then goes on to talk about Christ, and our sin forgiven.
We have law on the one hand, and grace in the other. Paul asks, Do we forsake law and continue to sin because of Grace? When we accept Christ and are baptized, we die to the world. Our sin is forgiven.
So does the law fall off by the wayside long forgotten? No, it becomes fused with Grace. They are two parts fused together to create our faith. We can not live simply by grace alone, because sin would overtake us eventually. Neither can we live by the law alone, because we still fall short. So we need both.

In summary, We can not live with out the sacrifice of Christ. Nor can we live with out the law. It shows a beautiful covenant. God gives us Grace, we follow the law.

The two fused together creates a brilliant light for the future of Jews and Gentiles alike.

Romans 5:20-21 The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Lent

Lent

A lot of people do lent. The catholic church has a set of rules for lent.

This year i was going to do soda. I drink a lot (a LOT) of soda. I should quit it anyway, its a common sense thing. So i thought about something else. Something that is more meaningful to my life as a christian.

Music. Not all music, just the stuff  i know better than to listen to.

Two good examples are Kid cudi, and modest mouse. A lot of kid cudi's music has vulger language. Modest mouse is an alternative rock band that 80% of the music they write is about death and the fact that there is no God.

Modest mouse is easy to give up. I know better than to listen to it.

Kid cudi is a little tougher, because its good music.

Which is why i should stop. We tend to make an excuse that "but its funny/good/not that bad" when we listen to or watch stuff that we shouldn't.

Entertainment is never a good payoff for sin.

Also what we surround ourselves with (including music) reflects on us.

Winning! Duh!

No, charlie sheen is not winning.

He is a drug and sex addicted man who is in the process of trashing the rest of his life.

Unfortunatly, he is a reflection of a majority of people in the spot light.

They build their foundation in life on the money, the spotlight, the fame, the "good feeling".

Then the storm comes, and washes it all away. Then what are they left with nothing.

My message here is twofold.

First, Be in this world, not of it.

The music we listen to, movies we watch,  and sites we visit should be censored. We should have the interal part of ourselves that sees/hears something and says "thats not right". We should avoid watching tv shows like two and a half men. It may seem harmless, but is it? Charlie sheens character drinks a lot, and sleeps with a large number of women. It may be hard to see watching the show as a bad thing. But should we ever invite sin into our lives? Because thats what is happening.  We should censor content that we know better than to watch/listen to.

Second, watch where you are building your foundation.

The man builds his foundation on the sand (worldly things) then storm (bad times) comes and washes it all away. The man builds is foundation on the rock (Christ) and is able to weather the storm again and again.

The kids just grow up so fast

Im back with the hinkleys, the people i lived with for about 7-8 months after i left my parents house, for spring break. Its been over a year since ive been baptized. In reflection, when i moved in with the hinkleys i still had a lot of maturing to do. They helped to move me in the right direction and to grow. I am very thankful this. At this point i am able to look back and see how far i have come.

Three weeks ago, i was in a foul mood. Not for any particular reason, i was just pissed off. It went counter to anything going on in my life. It was an excellent week with lots of good things. And at three points somebody went to far with something. All three times i wanted to say something. What i would have said would not have been nice. Then this little part of my brain kicks in and says "is it really what you want to do?"

In the past i would have said what was on my mind, and hurt somebodys feelings. Here i was able to exert self control. I left all three situations before i said anything. I went and spent time in prayer. That i wouldn't have the foul mood, and that i would have self control over my words. Because on all three situations if i had said it, i would have quite a few people mad at me.

God is good.

Drum roll please

Adam mearse is the Youth minister at Naperville church of christ. He was my youth minister, and a good friend. He is a very wise person, who is very thoughtful. So what does this mean for you? Read his blog. http://wp.me/pMFdp-5y

Do it!

Thanks

ch-ch-check it out!

i created a facebook page for my writing/photography profile. check it out, become a fan. That would be cool.

its called "sweet sounds of silence writing and photography"

now for my thought of the day,

God is good.

Stand up and Fight

Hate, anger, drugs, alcohol, violence, obscenity, pornography, lies, stealing, cheating, adultery, forgery, and many other things are the weapons of evil and Satan.

Those were pretty straightforward.

Then add T.V.s, Computers, the Internet, cell phones, strip clubs, fight clubs, dark alleys. These are just some of the breeding grounds for sin.

In essence, you cannot escape sin. we don't need to, because of the sacrifice that God has made for us.

But we still have to fight against it everyday.

When it comes down to fighting sin, that's where the battle becomes personal.

We need to publicly declare Christ, despite persecution. And to think about all that happens in America. People will do everything they can to try and prove you wrong and make you lose faith. They ridicule you for your beliefs. They will openly mock you. This scares me at times, to think that satan has taken hold of so many hearts and minds. Even so, There are many who are willing to listen, who desire to know God and Christ.

So i sit here with a choice, proclaim or hide my faith.

If i do not share my faith in Christ, how many opportunities to help others be saved will be missed?

Then you have countries where you are arrested for simply having a bible or attending church.

Do i proclaim or hide my faith?

I am tempted by Satan through others, Do i proclaim or hide my faith?

There are times in life when we feel afraid, impassive, angry, upset. Still we must shout his name to the world. 

God has given us a great opportunity to share the knowledge of his son with the world, and to share his love.

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.


34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

N.I.V. Matthew 25:31-46

"but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."


N.I.V. Matthew 10:33

I am afraid of hell, not that i will go there, But that those who i am close to everyday will and i didnt do anything about it.

Its time to fight.

Im living the dream, His dream.

God grants us many gifts in life, i have had the ability to use words, written and spoken, to evict emotion from those who are witness. But lately i have lost it.

I have just felt to overwhelmed, because a few months ago i cut off communication with my parents.

As a kid growing up, my dad did horrible things that i wish he hadn't. He was never proud of me, he only despised the "burden" i was to him. like it was my fault for being born.

He is part of the reason that i refuse to let myself be selfish, because he did not show love. He only wanted control.

I spent years and years watching people stand by and do nothing. It hurts a lot when those you trust let you down.

He spent all of my life in his home acting like he was such a good parent who was fighting to keep his kid in line. But when can you excuse a 250 pound man sitting on a 10 year old for 20 minutes. there were times when i was knocked unconscious by him.

I have blocked out a lot of my past from my mind because its to emotional for me.

and i have spent the last few months wondering, what did i do to deserve this?

on my 18th birthday i had a marvelous evening with friends at a party they held for me. And when i got home, my dad started yelling at me and berating me. so that next Saturday i did exactly what he wanted me to do. I packed up and left before he woke up.

And here i am.

I'm a freshman in college.

I'm a pre-med student.

I have so much to thankful for,

Friends who care for me and are there no matter what,

members of my church family who pray for me and are there if i ever need anything,

college being paid for mostly by the government,

a chance to play college soccer which was a dream of mine,

And a savior who will be there no matter what i do.

God toke me, when i was at a place where i was scared.

He toke me from that day-to-day survival mode, and for the first time in my life i could just think about the future without the fear or the pain.

God is the reason i am here now, because if not for the Ferbers 1 year ago i would be a lost cause.

My dad still doesn't see anything he did as wrong. But that is ok, because it is his decision he has to live with.

I need to live my life for God.

And is this a sad story? No.

it is a story of hope, of greatness.

Because it proves that God doesn't give us any challenges we cannot handle, and he will make Good out of the bad.

God has given me the drive to help others, in any way i can.

Christ is my savior and he is with me.

I want to end this post with an example i heard from the youth pastor i work for here in york.

"As a parent, when my children fall asleep in my lap when they are tired or scared of the monsters in the closet, I am filled with joy and love when i look at them and hold them. Well we all have stressful times were we just want to sleep it all away and we feel refreshed and positive when we wake up. Have you ever thought that we sleep then because God just wants to hold his children?"