God grants us many gifts in life, i have had the ability to use words, written and spoken, to evict emotion from those who are witness. But lately i have lost it.
I have just felt to overwhelmed, because a few months ago i cut off communication with my parents.
As a kid growing up, my dad did horrible things that i wish he hadn't. He was never proud of me, he only despised the "burden" i was to him. like it was my fault for being born.
He is part of the reason that i refuse to let myself be selfish, because he did not show love. He only wanted control.
I spent years and years watching people stand by and do nothing. It hurts a lot when those you trust let you down.
He spent all of my life in his home acting like he was such a good parent who was fighting to keep his kid in line. But when can you excuse a 250 pound man sitting on a 10 year old for 20 minutes. there were times when i was knocked unconscious by him.
I have blocked out a lot of my past from my mind because its to emotional for me.
and i have spent the last few months wondering, what did i do to deserve this?
on my 18th birthday i had a marvelous evening with friends at a party they held for me. And when i got home, my dad started yelling at me and berating me. so that next Saturday i did exactly what he wanted me to do. I packed up and left before he woke up.
And here i am.
I'm a freshman in college.
I'm a pre-med student.
I have so much to thankful for,
Friends who care for me and are there no matter what,
members of my church family who pray for me and are there if i ever need anything,
college being paid for mostly by the government,
a chance to play college soccer which was a dream of mine,
And a savior who will be there no matter what i do.
God toke me, when i was at a place where i was scared.
He toke me from that day-to-day survival mode, and for the first time in my life i could just think about the future without the fear or the pain.
God is the reason i am here now, because if not for the Ferbers 1 year ago i would be a lost cause.
My dad still doesn't see anything he did as wrong. But that is ok, because it is his decision he has to live with.
I need to live my life for God.
And is this a sad story? No.
it is a story of hope, of greatness.
Because it proves that God doesn't give us any challenges we cannot handle, and he will make Good out of the bad.
God has given me the drive to help others, in any way i can.
Christ is my savior and he is with me.
I want to end this post with an example i heard from the youth pastor i work for here in york.
"As a parent, when my children fall asleep in my lap when they are tired or scared of the monsters in the closet, I am filled with joy and love when i look at them and hold them. Well we all have stressful times were we just want to sleep it all away and we feel refreshed and positive when we wake up. Have you ever thought that we sleep then because God just wants to hold his children?"
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