I have wasted so much of my life already. I have followed other people, listened to their wisdom, dreamed and lived their dreams. My voice has been their voice.
My dreams have never been my own.
My voice has never been my own.
And now im at york college. I don't have the dreams and voices and others telling me what to do.
Im kinda lost.
When I accepted christ as my savior I accepted a new life living for him.
Not for my dad, for my guidance counselors, or my friends.
He has called me to so much more than to spend my life chasing around dreams i dont really care for.
I want to tell you my dreams.
I dream of paying professional soccer, of turning my faith into a book so i can share it with others, i dream of singing in a band, and being the lead in a play.
I love sports and the arts. I have never been to excited about school. I cant stand science, math bores me, english is fun, and history is cool. But my time is best spent out of the classroom.
Granted in order to make my time outside of the classroom most effective i need to do well in it.
With all that being said. I have spent so much of my time doing what others tell me they think i should do.
This has ranged from being a teacher, to a youth minister, to being a waste of space (thanks dad).
I havent looked into what God has put on my heart, or the strenths he has given me.
I love writting. I was the sports editor for two years and then the editor in chief of my high school paper "The Echo". I loved writting opinion pieces. I also helped write (and perform in) a one act musical performed by my high school.
I spent all of high school being a theater "techie", and my senior year i built up the courage to be in plays. I was in a musical and a comedy.
I love reading, writing, acting, and playing soccer. Right now im only ever playing soccer.
Its time that i take the talents God has given me and put them to use for him.
I want to end with these two verses that i am thinking about with all of this.
God Bless.
We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Romans 12:6-8
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive and inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Colossians 3:23-24
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Im Seeing Double
A double standard is where we have expectaions for ourselves that differ from our expectations of other people.
We live in a society of double standards.
To name an obvious one; if a girls sleeps around she is titled a "slut" or "whore". If a guy sleeps around he is considered a "player" and given a pat on the back.
On the other hand, if guys look at a woman even slightly lustfully they are labeled a "pervert". But its ok for women to look at guys without the same consequences.
To move topics, swearing is also one. People who say the f-word, b-word, or one of many other four letter words are considered "potty mouths". If you say crap, darn, or one of many other "golly gee whiz shucks" kinda words with the same conotation its alright.
Wrong!
Other examples: porn is wrong, but movie sex scenes are alright. Hitting others is wrong, but hitting your kids or wife is alright. It's a long, long list.
If you have double standards in your life than you are lying to yourself and everyone else.
God knows the truth.
He has set a perfect standard unlike the standards of society. His standard is perfect.
He calls us too this standard.
A perfect example of double standards are the pharisees of Israel. They held everyone to an almost impossible standard that they didn't live up to. They judged but did not love.
Jesus came and set the record straight.
We are sinners who fall short of the glory of God, and can only be saved through him.
Work on your faith. Hold others accountable through love and not judgement. That means living to the same standard.
Live how Jesus lived.
Matthew 7:1-5 ESV
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
We live in a society of double standards.
To name an obvious one; if a girls sleeps around she is titled a "slut" or "whore". If a guy sleeps around he is considered a "player" and given a pat on the back.
On the other hand, if guys look at a woman even slightly lustfully they are labeled a "pervert". But its ok for women to look at guys without the same consequences.
To move topics, swearing is also one. People who say the f-word, b-word, or one of many other four letter words are considered "potty mouths". If you say crap, darn, or one of many other "golly gee whiz shucks" kinda words with the same conotation its alright.
Wrong!
Other examples: porn is wrong, but movie sex scenes are alright. Hitting others is wrong, but hitting your kids or wife is alright. It's a long, long list.
If you have double standards in your life than you are lying to yourself and everyone else.
God knows the truth.
He has set a perfect standard unlike the standards of society. His standard is perfect.
He calls us too this standard.
A perfect example of double standards are the pharisees of Israel. They held everyone to an almost impossible standard that they didn't live up to. They judged but did not love.
Jesus came and set the record straight.
We are sinners who fall short of the glory of God, and can only be saved through him.
Work on your faith. Hold others accountable through love and not judgement. That means living to the same standard.
Live how Jesus lived.
Matthew 7:1-5 ESV
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Any place but york
Since the end of soccer season last year I have had a question lingering in my mind. one i have struggled with a lot. Should I leave York college to go somewhere else.
There are places with more money, better scholarships, better soccer programs, better everything.
And i have struggled with this. At times i had my foot halfway out the door. Then God Slammed that door in my face this week.
When i was in in high school i had depression that i couldn't get through. All i could think of was the crap going on. When i found Christ, it got much better. I was maturing and growing, and my faith was growing and maturing. This past summer though, my faith started starving. for the first time i missed church more than 3 weeks in a row. I wasn't reading my bible, or praying constantly. i had lost a lot of the things that connected me with God. So all i had was my job at walmart and my roommates. So i started a bit of a downward spiral. I was having anger issues. Anger that i didn't understand or know why it was there. My roommates where the unfortunate victims of this. fortunately they understood and worked with me.
So going into the new school year i was having anger issues and some depression issues. I had starved myself and was having "God withdrawal". And as preseason progressed things got worse. I became incredibly self critical of my soccer playing. I am a naturally reflective and critical. The difference? I was very negative. Outside of soccer things were not going so well either. I had friends stab me and the back, and friends just stop talking to me.
I was crashing. Hard.
So things were getting better. I got through the crap going on, but not unharmed. I had slipped back into my depression. I couldn't shake the sadness. And then last Sunday it hit rock bottom. at 1 in the morning i had a freak accident where a stall door crashed on my foot, so i had to get stitches. I got back from the ER at 3 am and went to sleep. I did not get up for church, which irritated me. I was supposed to go to Lifewalk with my friends. Then at 1:30 in the afternoon i head to get ready for our soccer game.
I told coach that i couldn't play. I was physically unfit. He agreed and said i would suit up "just in case". Five minutes before kick off he tells me I'm starting. I was concerned. i was hurting and wouldn't be at 100%. 25 minutes into the game we were down 3-0. it was bad, our whole team was playing bad. So coach pulled me for our other keeping. Getting off the field i was pissed. I felt full of shame and embarrassed for being pulled in front of our home crowd.
Bad stuff happens when I'm pissed.
I swore. I said it was bull-. And then coach and i had a short back and forth and i then said it again.
Bad idea.
Awful idea.
He told me to leave the stadium.
The walk out is the longest walk i have ever had. I couldn't shake the feeling of shame. At the same time i had just potentially ruined everything. I am at york because of my soccer scholarship. I don't play soccer, i don't go to York. I cant afford it.
I questioned whether life was worth living for the first time in years.
I was on the edge of giving up. I was broken. I had messed everything up.
I wasn't gonna give up though. I never give up.
So i did what was right. I made amends, with coach, and with God.
I ended up with a one weak suspension from soccer. It was one loooong week.
But a great one.
God spoke to me in a very obvious way. He wasn't going to let this go to waste. People around me picked me up. They told me to keep my head up high. They showed compassion and caring that i had not felt very often. People who i wasn't even close with had my back. They were supporting me, they cared. I know now the reason I am here. And i will never leave. York is my home, York is my family, God spoke to me through York.
I am blessed to be here. In this past week my faith has be rejuvenated, and my depression melted away.
God is Good.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
There are places with more money, better scholarships, better soccer programs, better everything.
And i have struggled with this. At times i had my foot halfway out the door. Then God Slammed that door in my face this week.
When i was in in high school i had depression that i couldn't get through. All i could think of was the crap going on. When i found Christ, it got much better. I was maturing and growing, and my faith was growing and maturing. This past summer though, my faith started starving. for the first time i missed church more than 3 weeks in a row. I wasn't reading my bible, or praying constantly. i had lost a lot of the things that connected me with God. So all i had was my job at walmart and my roommates. So i started a bit of a downward spiral. I was having anger issues. Anger that i didn't understand or know why it was there. My roommates where the unfortunate victims of this. fortunately they understood and worked with me.
So going into the new school year i was having anger issues and some depression issues. I had starved myself and was having "God withdrawal". And as preseason progressed things got worse. I became incredibly self critical of my soccer playing. I am a naturally reflective and critical. The difference? I was very negative. Outside of soccer things were not going so well either. I had friends stab me and the back, and friends just stop talking to me.
I was crashing. Hard.
So things were getting better. I got through the crap going on, but not unharmed. I had slipped back into my depression. I couldn't shake the sadness. And then last Sunday it hit rock bottom. at 1 in the morning i had a freak accident where a stall door crashed on my foot, so i had to get stitches. I got back from the ER at 3 am and went to sleep. I did not get up for church, which irritated me. I was supposed to go to Lifewalk with my friends. Then at 1:30 in the afternoon i head to get ready for our soccer game.
I told coach that i couldn't play. I was physically unfit. He agreed and said i would suit up "just in case". Five minutes before kick off he tells me I'm starting. I was concerned. i was hurting and wouldn't be at 100%. 25 minutes into the game we were down 3-0. it was bad, our whole team was playing bad. So coach pulled me for our other keeping. Getting off the field i was pissed. I felt full of shame and embarrassed for being pulled in front of our home crowd.
Bad stuff happens when I'm pissed.
I swore. I said it was bull-. And then coach and i had a short back and forth and i then said it again.
Bad idea.
Awful idea.
He told me to leave the stadium.
The walk out is the longest walk i have ever had. I couldn't shake the feeling of shame. At the same time i had just potentially ruined everything. I am at york because of my soccer scholarship. I don't play soccer, i don't go to York. I cant afford it.
I questioned whether life was worth living for the first time in years.
I was on the edge of giving up. I was broken. I had messed everything up.
I wasn't gonna give up though. I never give up.
So i did what was right. I made amends, with coach, and with God.
I ended up with a one weak suspension from soccer. It was one loooong week.
But a great one.
God spoke to me in a very obvious way. He wasn't going to let this go to waste. People around me picked me up. They told me to keep my head up high. They showed compassion and caring that i had not felt very often. People who i wasn't even close with had my back. They were supporting me, they cared. I know now the reason I am here. And i will never leave. York is my home, York is my family, God spoke to me through York.
I am blessed to be here. In this past week my faith has be rejuvenated, and my depression melted away.
God is Good.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I love the book of Romans
In the video game starcraft. there are characters called "High templar". Two can fuse themselves together to create a Light Archon. A brilliant creation of light with enormous power. One cannot do this by itself.
Yes, I know what you are thinking. I am a nerd, and what does this have to do with Romans?
Well since you asked, everything.
In the book of Romans, Paul starts off by talking about the law and judgement. He talks about how under the law we are held accountable for our sins and there is nothing righteous. He then goes on to talk about Christ, and our sin forgiven.
We have law on the one hand, and grace in the other. Paul asks, Do we forsake law and continue to sin because of Grace? When we accept Christ and are baptized, we die to the world. Our sin is forgiven.
So does the law fall off by the wayside long forgotten? No, it becomes fused with Grace. They are two parts fused together to create our faith. We can not live simply by grace alone, because sin would overtake us eventually. Neither can we live by the law alone, because we still fall short. So we need both.
In summary, We can not live with out the sacrifice of Christ. Nor can we live with out the law. It shows a beautiful covenant. God gives us Grace, we follow the law.
The two fused together creates a brilliant light for the future of Jews and Gentiles alike.
Romans 5:20-21 The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Yes, I know what you are thinking. I am a nerd, and what does this have to do with Romans?
Well since you asked, everything.
In the book of Romans, Paul starts off by talking about the law and judgement. He talks about how under the law we are held accountable for our sins and there is nothing righteous. He then goes on to talk about Christ, and our sin forgiven.
We have law on the one hand, and grace in the other. Paul asks, Do we forsake law and continue to sin because of Grace? When we accept Christ and are baptized, we die to the world. Our sin is forgiven.
So does the law fall off by the wayside long forgotten? No, it becomes fused with Grace. They are two parts fused together to create our faith. We can not live simply by grace alone, because sin would overtake us eventually. Neither can we live by the law alone, because we still fall short. So we need both.
In summary, We can not live with out the sacrifice of Christ. Nor can we live with out the law. It shows a beautiful covenant. God gives us Grace, we follow the law.
The two fused together creates a brilliant light for the future of Jews and Gentiles alike.
Romans 5:20-21 The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Lent
Lent
A lot of people do lent. The catholic church has a set of rules for lent.
This year i was going to do soda. I drink a lot (a LOT) of soda. I should quit it anyway, its a common sense thing. So i thought about something else. Something that is more meaningful to my life as a christian.
Music. Not all music, just the stuff i know better than to listen to.
Two good examples are Kid cudi, and modest mouse. A lot of kid cudi's music has vulger language. Modest mouse is an alternative rock band that 80% of the music they write is about death and the fact that there is no God.
Modest mouse is easy to give up. I know better than to listen to it.
Kid cudi is a little tougher, because its good music.
Which is why i should stop. We tend to make an excuse that "but its funny/good/not that bad" when we listen to or watch stuff that we shouldn't.
Entertainment is never a good payoff for sin.
Also what we surround ourselves with (including music) reflects on us.
A lot of people do lent. The catholic church has a set of rules for lent.
This year i was going to do soda. I drink a lot (a LOT) of soda. I should quit it anyway, its a common sense thing. So i thought about something else. Something that is more meaningful to my life as a christian.
Music. Not all music, just the stuff i know better than to listen to.
Two good examples are Kid cudi, and modest mouse. A lot of kid cudi's music has vulger language. Modest mouse is an alternative rock band that 80% of the music they write is about death and the fact that there is no God.
Modest mouse is easy to give up. I know better than to listen to it.
Kid cudi is a little tougher, because its good music.
Which is why i should stop. We tend to make an excuse that "but its funny/good/not that bad" when we listen to or watch stuff that we shouldn't.
Entertainment is never a good payoff for sin.
Also what we surround ourselves with (including music) reflects on us.
Winning! Duh!
No, charlie sheen is not winning.
He is a drug and sex addicted man who is in the process of trashing the rest of his life.
Unfortunatly, he is a reflection of a majority of people in the spot light.
They build their foundation in life on the money, the spotlight, the fame, the "good feeling".
Then the storm comes, and washes it all away. Then what are they left with nothing.
My message here is twofold.
First, Be in this world, not of it.
The music we listen to, movies we watch, and sites we visit should be censored. We should have the interal part of ourselves that sees/hears something and says "thats not right". We should avoid watching tv shows like two and a half men. It may seem harmless, but is it? Charlie sheens character drinks a lot, and sleeps with a large number of women. It may be hard to see watching the show as a bad thing. But should we ever invite sin into our lives? Because thats what is happening. We should censor content that we know better than to watch/listen to.
Second, watch where you are building your foundation.
The man builds his foundation on the sand (worldly things) then storm (bad times) comes and washes it all away. The man builds is foundation on the rock (Christ) and is able to weather the storm again and again.
He is a drug and sex addicted man who is in the process of trashing the rest of his life.
Unfortunatly, he is a reflection of a majority of people in the spot light.
They build their foundation in life on the money, the spotlight, the fame, the "good feeling".
Then the storm comes, and washes it all away. Then what are they left with nothing.
My message here is twofold.
First, Be in this world, not of it.
The music we listen to, movies we watch, and sites we visit should be censored. We should have the interal part of ourselves that sees/hears something and says "thats not right". We should avoid watching tv shows like two and a half men. It may seem harmless, but is it? Charlie sheens character drinks a lot, and sleeps with a large number of women. It may be hard to see watching the show as a bad thing. But should we ever invite sin into our lives? Because thats what is happening. We should censor content that we know better than to watch/listen to.
Second, watch where you are building your foundation.
The man builds his foundation on the sand (worldly things) then storm (bad times) comes and washes it all away. The man builds is foundation on the rock (Christ) and is able to weather the storm again and again.
The kids just grow up so fast
Im back with the hinkleys, the people i lived with for about 7-8 months after i left my parents house, for spring break. Its been over a year since ive been baptized. In reflection, when i moved in with the hinkleys i still had a lot of maturing to do. They helped to move me in the right direction and to grow. I am very thankful this. At this point i am able to look back and see how far i have come.
Three weeks ago, i was in a foul mood. Not for any particular reason, i was just pissed off. It went counter to anything going on in my life. It was an excellent week with lots of good things. And at three points somebody went to far with something. All three times i wanted to say something. What i would have said would not have been nice. Then this little part of my brain kicks in and says "is it really what you want to do?"
In the past i would have said what was on my mind, and hurt somebodys feelings. Here i was able to exert self control. I left all three situations before i said anything. I went and spent time in prayer. That i wouldn't have the foul mood, and that i would have self control over my words. Because on all three situations if i had said it, i would have quite a few people mad at me.
God is good.
Three weeks ago, i was in a foul mood. Not for any particular reason, i was just pissed off. It went counter to anything going on in my life. It was an excellent week with lots of good things. And at three points somebody went to far with something. All three times i wanted to say something. What i would have said would not have been nice. Then this little part of my brain kicks in and says "is it really what you want to do?"
In the past i would have said what was on my mind, and hurt somebodys feelings. Here i was able to exert self control. I left all three situations before i said anything. I went and spent time in prayer. That i wouldn't have the foul mood, and that i would have self control over my words. Because on all three situations if i had said it, i would have quite a few people mad at me.
God is good.
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